


Wining and Dining

by ObscureReference



Series: Rarepair Friday Fics [11]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: First Dates, M/M, shitty treating bitty to a nice date because he deserves it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7109689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObscureReference/pseuds/ObscureReference
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Shitty had told him that he deserved to be “wined and dined” that morning, he hadn’t actually expected… this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wining and Dining

**Author's Note:**

> "raimentsofthedalishpariah said: for rare pair friday, could you do something with shitty and bitty?"

When Shitty had told him that he deserved to be “wined and dined” that morning, he hadn’t actually expected… this.

“Uh,” Bitty said, slipping his coat off and hanging it up without tearing his eyes away from Shitty, three piece suit and all. There was a suspicious glow in the kitchen that he could  _just_ see out of the corner of his eye. “What’s all this?”

“Mr. Bittle, is it?” Shitty asked in what Bitty assumed to be the stuffiest accent he could imitate. Shitty held out one arm in gesture, and Bitty finally noticed the napkin draped over the other. “Right this way, sir.”

His hair was slicked back and tied into a small ponytail at the end. Shitty tilted his head and stuck his nose up the way Bitty imagined really haughty people did in cartoons. He looked like a caricature of a high class waiter.

“Shitty—”

“Your table is waiting for you, sir,” Shitty said vaguely.

Bitty gave up. He followed Shitty to the kitchen.

Someone had found a cloth and draped it over the kitchen table. The cloth looked suspiciously like a bed sheet. Someone had also set a lit candle in the center of the table, along with a mini milk pitcher. The pitcher was filled with only three or four tiny purple flowers, but Bitty had to admit it certainly added to the fancy atmosphere, creaking floor and ceiling water stains aside.

Shitty hurried over to the table and pulled out one of the wooden chairs for Bitty to sit in—one of the few that didn’t wobble, he noticed. Bitty sat.

“I’m afraid the menu is somewhat limited tonight, but we hope you enjoy the selection anyway,” Shitty said in the dullest voice possible while still somehow sounding snooty. “May I offer you an appetizer? A salad?”

“A salad would be nice,” Bitty said slowly, still eyeing Shitty. The bed sheet was surprisingly soft under his hands.

Shitty nodded. “And will that be all for the moment?”

“For now,” Bitty said, deciding to play along. “Will anyone else be joining me this evening?”

“Your date will be arriving shortly,” Shitty told him.

If Bitty had been drinking anything, he would have choked on it. As it was, he choked on air instead.

“Date?” he repeated incredulously.

Shitty nodded. “Correct.”

“And nobody else?” Bitty asked, his tongue tripping over the words. He couldn’t imagine how he looked.

“I’m afraid all other staff and patrons have been indisposed for the evening,” Shitty said as though that gave Bitty anything but a big load of nothing. Bitty assumed that meant everyone else in the Haus was gone for the night. He didn’t know what to make of that. 

“I see.” After a moment of silence and expectant looks, Bitty realized he was waiting on a dismissal. “You may go.”

_You may go._ It felt so weird to say.

Shitty nodded. He threw the napkin draped over his arm off to the side and sat in the chair at the opposite end of the table, leaving several chairs worth of space between them. He laced his fingers together and placed them on the table, his posture changing completely from what Bitty dubbed Waiter Mode.

“I’m very sorry to be late, darling, it’s been a busy day,” Shitty said, sitting back in his chair. Even his voice sounded different than the one he had been using a moment before. “I hope you’re not too bothered.”

“It’s completely understandable,” Bitty said, a knowing smile slowly growing across his features. Shitty’s “wine and dine” comment from that morning was starting to come back to him. He had the nagging feeling that he knew what was going on. “You’re a very busy man, after all.”

“But never too busy for you, dear,” Shitty confessed. He leaned over the table and wiggled his eyebrows. Bitty swallowed a laugh and tried his best to keep a straight face. 

“Of course, of course,” Bitty said in his best imitation of what he assumed a rich person would sound like. He had to give it up after a few seconds of keeping a straight face, however, giving in to the urge to chuckle. “So are you my waiter  _and_ my date?”

“That would be very unprofessional,” Shitty told him, shaking his head in mock shame. “The waiter is a very respectable and may I say  _handsome_ gentleman, but I’m afraid we are not one in the same. Have you heard the way that guy talks?”

Yes, Bitty was pretty sure he knew  _exactly_ what was going on here. “You deserve to be wined and dined,” Shitty had said. And here they were.

“And you did this because…”

Shitty’s face softened.

“Because you deserve it,” he said, voice terribly honest. Bitty felt his breath catch. “When was the last time anybody did something like this for you?”

Bitty wondered if he meant the last time somebody had taken on a date or improvised a while restaurant in his kitchen but didn’t ask. Either way, the answer was  _never._

“I…”

Shitty saved him the embarrassment of answering by suddenly standing up and throwing the napkin over his arm again. He reached into the fridge and pulled out two bowls already filled with salad. He placed one bowl at each end of the table and then grabbed a few dressings as well. There was scratched out tape on one of the bottles that Bitty knew had once said,  _“Holster’s!!! Do NOT touch!”_ Shitty had marked it out with a pen _._

“I hope everything is to your liking, sir,” Shitty said politely. Then he threw himself back into the “date” chair, switching personas. “This salad looks great. You picked a nice place.”

Despite the way his eyes had started to burn, Bitty snorted. “Well, you know me. I always have taste.”

“You sure do,” Shitty agreed. He reached for one of the bottles of dressing.

Bitty took a deep breath to steel himself and then leaned on the table, propping his chin up with his hand. “So you’re going to blow me away then?”

_As my date_  went unspoken.

Shitty looked back at him, bottle of ranch in hand, face serious.

“Bits, I’m gonna blow you out of the fucking water.”

Oh, Bitty didn’t doubt that at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I keep my other rarepair fics that I feel are too short to post here over on my tumblr (http://someobscurereference.tumblr.com/) under the "rarepair friday fics" tag. Feel free to leave a comment below or hmu there!


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